


A Little Shaky (but better when you're with me)

by krissingsoo (foggynelson)



Category: EXO (Band), f(x)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-05
Packaged: 2018-03-29 03:56:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3881329
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggynelson/pseuds/krissingsoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sehun doesn't know how to be around people. He wants to; he especially wants to when it comes to Kim Jongin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Little Shaky (but better when you're with me)

**Author's Note:**

> This is over a year old. A tweetfic I wrote and posted on livejournal. I'm slowly moving some of my favourites over here. Oddly enough I've never been a huge sekai fan but this is one of my most favourite things I've written.

It's just... Sehun doesn't understand other people. He wants to. He wants to feel connected to other people, but there has always been this - this disconnect from others. It's not bad. He kind of likes it - enjoys the alone time, the singularity of it all. He doesn't need anyone else and he sure doesn't want them. Okay. That's not true and Sehun knows it. He wishes it was. That's what Sehun wants most - to feel content and happy and complete. But he doesn't.

  Sehun wonders what it would be like to have someone - really have someone. When he wonders, he finds himself wondering about Kim Jongin, a boy in his dance studio. He's quiet and Sehun likes that. He seems nice, though, and when he does talk to others in the class (namely Yixing) Sehun finds himself listening to his voice, listening to his sweet laugh. Sehun likes it more than he wants to admit. There is just something about Jongin that captivates every part of Sehun and Sehun wants out.  

The only person Sehun can manage a decent conversation with is Krystal. She's similar to Sehun, kind of bitchy, distant. He feels connected to her and he likes that. What he doesn't like is how easily she can see through him because of this. That's why he's not too surprised she pulls him aside one day after class, and says, a smile on her face, "You like Jongin."

  And Sehun wants to object and do everything he can to tell her she's wrong, but in the end he just shrugs his shoulders. Krystal's smile grows wider as she begins to gush about how cute Jongin is and how Sehun would work really well with him. Sehun kind of tunes her out but finds himself holding onto this idea of him and Jongin together. Working. Him and Jongin together, laughing and talking, being sweet and fun and Sehun finds himself with a stupid smile on his face that he can't seem to will away no matter how hard he tries. 

Krystal notices and hitting him lightly on the arm says, "You've got it bad, ya know?" And Sehun does know. He knows it very well. But he doesn't tell Krystal that, just shakes his head and looks down at the ground. It's bad, but Sehun isn't delusional. He knows that he has no chance with Jongin. He's too scared to talk to him anyway, for one, and for two - Jongin is so... perfect. And Sehun, well, Sehun isn't. And how can he compare to that? He sighs and, turning to Krystal, suggests they go get some chicken, which thankfully takes Krystal's mind off Jongin and the two head off together.

  And things aren't bad for a few weeks. Sehun is crushing hard, but it's not unbearable. It's actually almost nice. It's like a sickness inside of him but strangely Sehun doesn't want it to go away.   

He toys with the idea of talking to Jongin. He toys with it but always decides against it, despite how hard Krystal tries to tell him to just go for it. But despite their similarities, Krystal doesn't understand Sehun fully. Krystal has always been pretty and, even with her bitchy attitude, people have always liked her. Sehun's never had that. Before Krystal, he's never really had any friends. He's never really had anyone in his life and the idea of anyone else liking him - let alone the idea of Jongin wanting to date him - is too strange and foreign for him. 

Which makes it all even stranger when Jongin comes up to him one day after class and asks, "Do you mind staying behind and helping me with that last move? I can't seem to make it work." And Sehun can't believe his ears - Jongin is talking to him and asking him for help! It's a scary prospect and Sehun finds himself wanting to say nothing and simply run away and hide, but instead he nods his head. "Great," Jongin says with a smile that hurts Sehun's heart. "Thanks."

  They spend the next hour working on the move. Jongin just can't seem to make his hips roll the right way. Sehun feels uncomfortable performing the move for Jongin who looks at him so intently with his dark eyes. Sehun wants nothing more than to melt away into the darkness around him. But he can't. He has to be good for Jongin. And so Sehun dances the best he can manage, showing off every ounce of talent that is inside him. He wants Jongin to be impressed, to magically fall for him the way he has for the other. He knows it won't happen. Why would it? But Sehun floats back into his thoughts of them holding hands and sharing sweet kisses as they watch the sun set.

Sehun thinks of these things and smiles and feels like an idiot. He hopes Jongin doesn't notice the stupid look on his face but then - Sehun doesn't _totally_ mind if he does. He feels his inhibitions slip through his fingers the more around Jongin he is. He likes it. God, he likes it. It scares him and worries him and makes him want to puke on everyone and everything, but Sehun likes it regardless.  

When Jongin manages to perfect the move (to the point where he's much better than Sehun, too), Jongin is big smiles and grabby hands, holding onto Sehun's shoulders as he says, "Thank you," in this voice that Sehun wants to listen to again and again, fall asleep to. This voice he wants to make call out his name over and over again. In the end, Sehun can really only smile in response to Jongin's words. "Did you want to go out and get something to eat?" Jongin asks. "It's my treat - for all your help."   

Sehun looks at him, wide eyes, mouth agape. This is his chance - it's right here, waiting for him. They'll have dinner and laugh and joke and Jongin will find that Sehun is so much more than the boy that never talks. Jongin will discover Sehun. But... - and this is what Sehun struggles with, what scares him more than anything else - what if Jongin finds Sehun, finds the real Sehun that no one (not even Krystal) knows, and he realizes this is not a Sehun he can like. Sehun wants to agree to go out for dinner with Jongin - he really does. But how can he?  

"I should probably go home," he replies. "My parents are probably worried."  

"Your parents?" Jongin asks, his voice sweet with worry. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept you so long. I didn't mean to get you in trouble with your parents." He pauses and then says, "At least let me walk you home."

  "You don't need to do that," Sehun tells him. He's obviously just doing all of this to make up for Sehun helping him. But he liked helping him and Jongin doesn't need to do anything for him in return.   

"I want to," Jongin insists and the way he says it, Sehun can't help but feel that maybe he really does want to. Sehun just nods and the two make their way out of the studio. It's dark outside and cold. Sehun loves this time of year - it's before the snow has come, but it's cold enough that Sehun needs a jacket to cover his small frame, to make him feel warm and safe. He likes filling up on coffee, too. Really, Sehun likes this time of year as he's not the coldest thing around.

They walk in silence, really. For the first time in years, Sehun actually really wants to talk, but he cannot find words to say. Well, he can but they're all mushy compliments and stupid confessions. So Sehun keeps his mouth shut to prevent any of these from slipping out. He's not sure what Jongin's silence is about or for. He worries that the silence is further proof that Jongin doesn't care for Sehun at all. 

But, he reminds himself, Jongin is pretty quiet, too. Jongin is shy as well, Sehun knows, so he tries to think positively. He had offered to walk him home so he obviously can't hate him too much. Sehun opens his mouth - determined to say something normal and casual - and says, "You're an amazing dancer," instead. Jongin laughs; it's small, cute, and Sehun notices how his nose scrunches up just a bit. 

  "Thank you," he replies when he's done laughing. "You are too." And silence falls between them again when they're done, but Sehun doesn't mind it as much this time. t's not eerie or weird, but rather soft and sweet. Sehun holds onto Jongin's words and feels their warmth spread through him. He's smiling again - grinning this stupid idiot smile of his - but he doesn't mind if Jongin notices. Not at all. He - he almost hopes that he does. He wants Jongin to see how deliriously happy he makes him. He wants Jongin to know how badly he wants to make him happy as well.

It's not too much longer before they reach Sehun's house. It's small, unimpressive. Sehun wishes he was showing Jongin a mansion, that the world he was presenting to Jongin was exciting and beautiful. But rather all he has to show is a lawn covered in weeds and little kid toys. He hides his worries behind a smile and says, "Thank you for walking me home." He hears a shake in his voice and he tries to cover it with a laugh but then he fears he sounds like a crazy maniac. He stops and puts on his best smile, wondering just how badly he has scared Jongin off. 

  But Jongin smiles too - and, Sehun's heart arace as he does, Jongin puts his arm around Sehun's shoulder and runs his hand up and down, rubbing it. "You don't need to be so nervous around me," Jongin laments. It's not true. There is no one Sehun needs to be more nervous around than Kim Jongin, but he likes Jongin's sentiment. Maybe if Sehun wasn't falling for Jongin, they could be friends, they could find a connection between the two of them - and maybe they wouldn't have hand holding or kisses, but jokes between the two of them and movies with too much butter on the popcorn.

  That alone is so appealing for Sehun. It's so appealing but it's not what he wants. What he needs. Every second with Jongin is filled with such intensity that Sehun knows he could never just be friends with him, no matter how nice it all sounds. Sehun is practical. And friendship with Jongin just isn't.  

"I'm sorry," is what he decides to reply with. He feels it covers everything pretty well. He's sorry that he's nervous, but, most of all, he's sorry that someone as messy and shaky and broken as Oh Sehun is in love with someone as perfect as Kim Jongin. 

  "I told you," Jongin comments with a brightness in his voice, "no need to be nervous." He squeezes Sehun's shoulder, his whole body smooched closer to Jongin's. Sehun nods, unsure of what else to do. Jongin smiles. "You know," he starts, his voice smaller than Sehun has ever heard it, "I've always thought you and I would get along pretty well. I was just always a little nervous to talk to you. You're kind of intimidating," he finishes off with a laugh.

  Sehun turns to gaze at him with wide eyes. "Me? Intimidating?" He laughs nervously. 

 "You’re always by yourself or with Krystal and all she ever does is make fun of everyone else, ya know? I was always worried you two stayed after class and talked about me and how bad I was."

  "No!" Sehun is quick to say, his objection probably stronger than it needed to be. "I would never say anything bad about you." And that's more true that Sehun had needed it to be, too sentimental and sickly and sweet and Sehun feels like an idiot as he watches the smile on Jongin's face reappear.   

"I'm so glad to hear that." His eyes flick down, his free hand reaching up and rubbing the back of his neck. "I really want to get to know you better. I would love if we could be friends." Never before has Sehun hated the word "friend" as much he does that moment. And even though he knows Jongin and him can't have a real friendship - that Sehun will eventually ruin it with his overly racing heart - he smiles at Jongin.  

"Friends," he says with as little distain as possible.  

"Great!" Jongin replies with a bright smile and a loud voice. "I'll see you in practice later then, okay?" Sehun nods and waves at Jongin as he walks off, waving back. Sehun turns and fumbles with his keys, his hands shaking. He can't seem to open the door, every part of his body screaming and shaking and Sehun isn't sure if it's going crazy out of fear or maybe - just maybe - out of happiness.  

(Thankfully Sehun manages to get the door open, go inside, and get a little bit of sleep before the morning.)

 

 

Being friends with Jongin isn't that different from not being friends with him. They don't talk much still and only see each other at practice. They say hello and sometimes Jongin tries to start a conversation, but Sehun finds himself falling back into his patterns of silence and small conversations with Krystal. 

He wonders why he was so worried in the first place. He also wonders why Jongin made such a big deal over being friends with him only to not bother with it at all. He's sure it's something he did, but he doesn't know what to do to change Jongin's mind or remind him that they were supposed to be friends. But maybe this is better, anyway, since Sehun didn't want to be friends with him anyway. Well, not that he didn't want to but more he'd been so sure they couldn't. And now they aren't. Sehun feels like some kind of physic - but these predictions he's making are not ones he cares for.

  "You need to fucking tell Jongin you want to bang him before I go crazy. You two are always looking at each other and the way you look at him when he's dancing - it's obscene, Sehun. I'm sure everyone but him knows that you're into him. It's so obvious and I am so sick of you moping around like a little kid. You want his dick so just go fucking get it."

  Sehun glares at Krystal the whole time she talks. Part of him know she has a point. He has been a bit of a moaning loser - but, but... Sehun sighs. He's kind of sick of this all, too. He wants to be more confident and be able to just go up to Jongin and tell him how he feels. But what Sehun feels stronger than anything else - stronger than his feelings (love?) for Jongin - is fear. He's had this fear for so long he can't remember what it would feel like to be without it. He lives his life through a veil of fear and has for so long. He wants out. He wants to talk to Jongin and make him feel happy and loved. He wants Jongin happy and Sehun wants to be the person to make him so. He just doesn't know how - doesn't know if he can. But... he wants to. 

  It's three weeks since Jongin had walked him home when Sehun runs after Jongin as they're leaving. He waves to Krystal as he runs off, who gives him a thumbs up with a big smile. "Hey Jongin!" he calls and the boy turns around with a smile.   

"Hey Sehun," Jongin replies and waits for Sehun to catch up. "What's up?" he asks when Sehun is by his side.  

"I was just wondering if we... if we could talk." He hears his lisp more prominent than normal, his words sounding gross in his ears. 

"Yeah, sure, of course," Jongin responds. "Did you want to go somewhere or...?" Sehun looks around and sees Yixing talking with Joonmyeon not far off and Krystal is around, probably waiting to see Sehun fall apart (hopefully because she wants to be there to help him out, not to laugh in his face (although with Krystal it really could be either (or more likely both))). 

  "Do you mind if we go somewhere else? Alone?" Jongin nods and the two walk off. Jongin kind of takes over and leads Sehun. They arrive at coffee shop, which confuses Sehun as he had asked if they could be alone. 

  "I'm supposed to be heading into work so I just need to let them know I'll be a few minutes, okay?" Jongin walks inside before Sehun can say anything. He feels bad - he hadn't realized that Jongin worked or that he would be needing to go anywhere. He wonders why he hadn't just said they couldn't talk, that he had work to go to. 

  Sehun watches as Jongin walks over to a pretty boy at the counter. He has light blond hair and the face of baby. He smiles at Jongin and smiles as he talks. Jongin laughs at something the other says and Sehun feels jealous. He feels stupid for feeling jealous - _Jongin isn't his_ \- but he feels it anyway. He waits for Jongin to finish and when he does, he waves at the other boy and makes his way back towards Sehun. "I have about twenty minutes before Lu Han kills me. There's a park close by so we can go and talk at." Sehun nods and once more falls behind Jongin. 

The park is vast and Sehun is surprised he's never seen it before. There's a bench nearby and the two sit down, Sehun accidentally sitting closer to Jongin than he'd meant. But Jongin doesn't seem to mind. He smiles before saying, "So what did you want to talk about?"

  Sehun opens his mouth. He has this hope and belief that magically all the words he wants to tell Jongin will just magically float out. They don't. Sehun stares at Jongin, his mouth opened, but unable to say anything. Jongin is patient and doesn't say anything, just waits, and that makes Sehun fall even more in love with him. He seems to understand Sehun, understand his fear and his hesitation.   

"I... I really like you, Jongin." His voice is soft, almost gone, and Sehun feels like an idiot as the words leave his lips. He can't believe himself. He can't believe that he actually said the words. They're out in the universe now, alive, real, and Jongin knows them. Jongin knows that Sehun likes him. He feels the need to run away and throw up for the next six years. He can't bring himself to look at Jongin, who hasn't said anything since Sehun spoke. Which is obviously a bad sign. Sehun closes his eyes tight and hopes he can just disappear on the spot. But he can't. He's still there. He's shaking a bit and his head feels like it's going to explode on him. 

  It feels like Sehun is sitting here for hours before he feels Jongin's hand placed across his back. The boy leans into Sehun and puts his head on Sehun's shoulder. "I kind of really like you too." The words are warm on Sehun's neck and he fears the heat is making his head think weird things or hear things wrong. He turns his head to look at Jongin the best he can and asks him to repeat himself. Jongin chuckles and pulls himself off Sehun. He turns the boy's face to look at him and then says, looking into the other's eyes, "I like you, Sehun. I really do." Silence falls between the two after this, Jongin's hands are lightly pressed against Sehun's face and Jongin breaks into a wide smile. 

  "I lied to you that other time," Jongin laments, his voice a whisper. "I didn't want to be friends with you. I just didn't think there's any chance you would want anything more."  

"I thought the same thing," Sehun replies with a small laugh. "I don't know why you like me. I'm really not that fun to be around and I'm not very nice or anything like that..." Sehun trails off, his head dropping again. It's seconds later that Jongin's hands are on his face again and pulling him close. 

  "I don't care about that stuff, Sehun. I care about you." Jongin chuckles a bit and then continues, "That sounds really cheesy and stupid, but it's true. I like you how you are. And as long as you like me too this is gonna go well."

  "I do," Sehun replies his voice a little more confident than before. "I really like you."

  "Good." With that, they get up and Sehun walks Jongin to the coffee shop. It's busy inside and Jongin rolls his eyes.

  "You could always ditch," Sehun offers. Jongin grins but shakes his head. 

"Lu Han would kill me for reals. He's a bit of a slave driver, really. Otherwise we could go off together and talk and... hold hands or something like that." Sehun watches the blush spread across Jongin's checks and it makes him smile with pride. 

"I would really like that. We'll go sometime, okay? You and me and lots of hand holding." Sehun likes watching as Jongin blushes a bit more before nodding. Lu Han calls out for Jongin, an enraged look on his face.   

"Sorry!" he calls and then turns to Sehun. "I have to go." He pauses and then says, "I get off at midnight. Which I know is really late but if you want to pick me up, we could get an early start on that hand holding we were talking about."

  Sehun grins wide and nods his head more enthusiastically than is needed. "I'll see you then!" He waves goodbye at the sweet boy and walks off.  

Sehun feels like a mess as he walks home. He can't believe any of this has happened. It feels more like a dream than any of his real dreams ever have. He's floating and dancing a bit as he walks. When he gets home, he's surprised to find Krystal standing outside of his house.   

"Took you long enough. Did you guys have a quickie or something?" Sehun glares at her but it only makes her smile wider.   

"I hate you, you know."  

"I know," she replies with her signature grin. "But you seem happy. Does this mean it went well? I was only joking about the quickie, but..."

  "No!" Sehun replies defensively. "I mean it's not like that. We just... we talked. And he likes me. And I like him. And we're gonna hold hands later. It's really not that big of a deal."

  Krystal has the biggest smile on her face and Sehun feels the need to punch it off her. "I knew it," she sings. "I just knew it."  

"No you didn't."

  "I did! It's really not as crazy as you think it is. You're a good person, Sehun."

  Sehun looks at Krystal with a small smile on his face. Sometimes he forgets what a good friend she is. He's generally more hung up on all her snark and rude comments, but when it comes down to it, Krystal's been there for him through a lot of shit. And he's grateful. 

  "Thanks," he tells her. "Was there any other reason you stopped by?"  

"We haven't played StarCraft in awhile and I thought you might want to."

  "Yeah, definitely. Just give a minute to change and then we can head out." Sehun rushes inside and Krystal just watches him, amazed by this small change in him, this bounce, this happiness that radiates from him. It makes her happy and she makes a mental note to thank Kim Jongin for making her friend happier than she remembers ever seeing him. 

 

 

It's their one month anniversary and Sehun, for one, can't believe they've lasted this long. Krystal is constantly teasing him, saying he's one mistake away from Jongin breaking up with him. But the thing is - he's not. Jongin and him fit, their edges are still a bit jagged and the fit is far from perfect. But they fit. And Sehun is still amazed by that fact.

  Jongin has to work that night, though, and so all Sehun has of his boyfriend is a dance practice and the short walk to his work. He doesn't mind. They hold hands as they walk, Jongin's hands strong, soft, tight against his own. When they reach the shop, Jongin pulls Sehun into the side alley and starts to kiss him, hard, rough, his lips needy against the other's. 

They've kissed before, of course, but nothing like this and Sehun is lost as Jongin continues, soon kissing down the side of his neck. Sehun's breath is sharp and he lets out a small moan, soft, and Jongin is soon kissing harder, lightly biting at his skin. Sehun knows that Jongin is going to be late - Sehun knows that any second someone could round the corner and see them. Sehun doesn't really want them to stop, though.   

It's a few more minutes of this - filled with lots of soft moans from Sehun's end and lots creative uses of Jongin's mouth. When he stops, he looks up at Sehun, his cheeks bright eye. "I don't know where that came from. I'm sorry." 

Sehun just chuckles and says, "It's not too late if you want to ditch." Sehun is a bad boyfriend, always suggesting that Jongin ditch work to be with him.  

"You know I can't. Lu Han--"  

"If I didn't know any better, I would be jealous of Lu Han. I feel like he gets to see you more than I do. And on our anniversary too..." Sehun sighs and pulls away from Jongin a bit. "Let's just get you inside before I decide to just kidnap you." Jongin laughs and the two walk into the shop, hands held tight.  

"Pick me up after work?" Jongin asks, his voice that smooth sweetness that Sehun can't seem to get enough of. He nods. Jongin grins and pulls him in for a small kiss.

  One of his coworkers - a tall boy Sehun eventually learns is named Kris - calls out, "You are so gross, Jongin." 

  Jongin laughs. "You're just jealous that you don't have a boyfriend as cute as mine."

  "Cute?" Sehun questions. It's not a word that Jongin generally uses to describe him.   

Jongin laughs, leans in, and says, "Cute and sexy and hot and basically the best boyfriend in the world." He pulls away but before he can, Sehun grabs hold of him and whispers, "You're the best boyfriend." He feels the grease in his words and it makes him sick but he means it. "You really are." Jongin grins and hugs his boyfriend tight before waving and getting to work.

 

 When Sehun picks Jongin up after work, him and Kris are finishing the clean up. Kris seems nice, a little awkward but he supposes that's probably why him and Jongin seem to get along as well as they do. Sehun pulls Jongin away from the cleaning and holds tightly to his hand. 

  "I shouldn't just leave Kris," Jongin wines into Sehun's shoulder. "I need to be a good coworker!"

  "I'm sure he'll understand," Sehun replies. He knows he's a bad person and only seems to try and convince Jongin to be as bad himself. But Jongin just chuckles.  

"I'll be just another five minutes. I grabbed a leftover pumpkin muffin for you. So be a good boy and wait and I'll give it to you."

  Jongin grins and walks back over to Kris. Sehun settles at one of the tables with a sigh. He does really like those pumpkin muffins. They taste really good and melt in his mouth - but, really, all Sehun wants to taste is his boyfriend. He sits there, pouting, as he watches. He knows Krystal would be the first make fun of him, copying his stupid face before calling him out for being a brat. But Sehun can't help it. He's jealous over Jongin. Is that a crime? Sehun doesn't actually know if it is or not, but he has a strong feeling it isn't.  

Jongin finishes soon and, pumpkin muffin in hand, meets Sehun at the table. He hands the treat over and Sehun eats it quickly but messily (which earns him a chuckle from Kris). Kris comes over to Jongin and, placing his hand on the boy's shoulder says, "We're still on for Thursday, right?" Jongin nods.  

"I was thinking I'd invite Yixing, too. I think you'll like him." Jongin says with a wink and Kris just sighs.

  "I don't want to date any of your friends, Jongin. Stop trying to set me up." 

"I'll stop when you stop complaining about being lonely, Hyung." Kris just waves him off and then waves again, this time in a goodbye. Jongin waves back in goodbye and then turns his attention back towards Sehun, who has finished his muffin - well, he's finished most of it as there are stray crumbs around the corners of his mouth. Jongin reaches out and brushes them off his face, which causes Sehun to blush. 

"I hope you realize how cute you are when you blush. Your cheeks turn so red and your eyes look so scared. It's adorable, Sehun." Jongin talks sweet, soft, and all Sehun seems to want to do is press his lips tightly against the others - if only to stop him from saying even more things to embarrass him. So he does, learning in, pressing himself tightly against Jongin. And he tastes good, just as he thought. Much better than that pumpkin muffin. 

Jongin moves into Sehun, the two tightly pressed against each other. Sehun feels this need, this intensity that he hasn't before. They're in a fucking coffee shop and yet all Sehun wants to do is take his boyfriend, lead him to the back room, and fuck him senseless. Of course, that's not a good idea for various reasons. Lu Han would not only murder Jongin and Sehun if he found out but probably their families, too. Not to mention they still haven't done anything really sexual (with the exception of what happened before work) and Sehun wants their first time to be a little bit more special than the back room of Jongin's work. 

Kissing Jongin, Sehun can tell that the boy's thoughts are similar to his own and Sehun smiles into the kiss. He still can't believe any of this is happening. The whole month has been a dream, Sehun floating on a very elevated high. Sehun still half expects himself to wake up one day and find this all has been nothing more than a product of his imagination. It hasn't happened yet and Sehun has high hopes that it never does. Well, slightly high hopes. It really differs from day to day as Sehun still can't believe that someone as sweet and funny and understand and just unbelievably hot as Jongin is would like him. But he feels more confident about it as each day goes by. It's become easier - slightly, but somewhat - for him to believe that Jongin won't just up and leave him out of nowhere.  

"You ready to head out?" Jongin asks, standing up. His arm is outstretch to Sehun, who takes it and lets the other boy pull him up. His hand never lets go of Sehun's and Sehun finds himself hoping that things can continue like this - Jongin close to him, warm, loving, and so hot Sehun could cream his pants just being here with him. He doesn't, of course, and the two of them walk off, Jongin telling Sehun funny stories from the course of his day. Sehun listens intently, laughing at the right spots.  

Sehun knows he's not the best person and he knows he's not a great boyfriend, but he reasons that the least he can do is be there for Jongin whenever he needs. And it's small, really, in comparison to everything Jongin's done for him. But it's all he has right now. And that seems to be enough for Jongin and, with a bright smile sent to his hot boyfriend, Sehun decides it's good enough for him too.

**Author's Note:**

> This was originally posted October 7, 2013, [here](http://best-lies.livejournal.com/12735.html).


End file.
